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I had ended our relationship because I thought things were supposed to be a certain way.  We should have a house, 2.5 kids, great jobs and everything would be perfect.  I quickly came to realize that is just not realistic!  Why does it have to be that way?  Why did I think I had to have it that way?  No one I know has it all but they are happy and grateful for what they have.

Brian had also started talking about moving back to California and bringing me.  I was NOT on board.  How could I leave my family?  My mom just lost her mother and my brother had just gotten engaged.  I had to be in New Jersey to support them.

After we broke up, I was in a deep depression.  I couldn’t get out of bed all weekend.  I couldn’t eat.  I had broken a man’s heart who only wanted to love me.  I had broken my own heart because what I wanted all along was for someone to love me and be my partner; I didn’t realize I had that.

After I got out of my funk, we started talking and hanging out again because after all, we were always good friends.  While were continued our friendship things at work started to go downhill.  The company that I loved working for quickly became a place that was not a good fit for me.  There is only so much a person can take and then they break.

As I was exiting the company, I felt broken, lost and hurt.  I wasn’t sleeping or eating again, my normal level of anxiety became unbearable.  My therapist was concerned for my health and quickly sent me to the doctor.  My doctor prescribed meds to even me out and get back on track.

I don’t like taking any medication but it has helped me tremendously.  I always considered myself to be even keeled and I didn’t know what mood I would wake up with anymore.  After a couple of weeks, everyone noticed a change.  My mind was more clear and I felt more engaged with people as opposed to always thinking about the next thing I had to do.

And Brian healed me.  He was there and saw me at my worst but yet was my cheerleader.  He pushed me to stand up for myself and to be more confident.  What I wanted all those years was standing right in front of me.  In that moment of realizing I had what I wanted, I knew I needed to make a change in my life and do something for me.

To be continued…

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